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Friday, September 18, 2015

I Bought A New Toothbrush Today

I bought a new toothbrush today.

Incidentally have you seen the options that we have these days?!?  Of course you have.  Seeing as we are all good little consumers and replace them every three months like clockwork.  Right?  Right.  Um....nope.  More on that another time though.

All I want is something to clean my teeth.  Nothing fancy.  It shouldn't take 20 minutes to decide on a toothbrush.  Should it?  For those of you who care I got a black one with pink rubber grips and dental floss-like bristles. Whatever that means.  It just looks like they've been worn out already.  Oh my, I just ick-ed myself out.  IT IS NOT USED BRISTLES in my new toothbrush.  *gag*

Anyhow, you're probably wondering why I think that you care that I have a new toothbrush.  Some of you may find it amusing, I'm hoping to find sympathy from others.

I had just gotten home from picking my oldest son up from work.  I looked down at the cup holder to grab my phone and go in the house.  That's when I saw it THE BIGGEST SCARIEST UGLIEST (OK, teeny tiny baby) spider that I had ever seen.  It was dangling from the dash.  Thankfully I was parked already!  So, like the super duper brave and capable "I can do things myself" type person that I am I reached out and SQUISHED THE INTRUDER with my thumb and pointer finger.  Yup, that's right. I did it with my bare hands!  Then I wiped it on my jeans.  I'm just that kind of a bad ass.  Then I continued inside....forgetting my cell phone in the rush of adrenaline.

Being hugely arachnophobic I feel that this was a huge step for me.  I am quite proud of myself for keeping calm and not freaking out.  Honest, quite impressive for me.

On the way in to the house I noticed something on the tip of my tongue, a bit of leftover food (#2 Son and I had been munching on chips), some random bit of debris from the wind....who can know.  I'm a bad ass though so I just picked it off with my thumb and pointer finger and....wait.  Yup, that's the ones with spider guts all over them.

UGH!!  EW!!  GROSS!!  YUCK!!  Gagging.  Also, scowling at #1 son who was laughing uncontrollably at me.

My first instinct was to go and swish and gargle with bleach and then turpentine or something.  However, I came to my senses enough to realize that this just might be a bad idea.  I did however go and brush my teeth, tongue, and gums until my entire mouth was raw.  Then I threw away my toothbrush.  I would never have used it again.  Even if I bleached it, boiled it and repeated.  It would never be used again.

So...

I bought a new toothbrush today.  It's black.  Because I'm a bad ass.


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