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Sunday, November 06, 2011

My Creativity

I never realized how much I had taken my creativity for granted until I didn't have it anymore.

Recently, I've been having trouble at work.  There are many things that are just not working for many different reasons.  Because of that I have been wanting to leave, take time off...just about anything to get away and have time for me and the things that I want to do.  However, finances being what they are it's just not feasible.  With that came anger and frustration and loathing and all those unhealthy things that seem to build up when you are in a situation that you can't seem to see your way out of.  It lead to me not caring about the quality of work I did which lead to guilt for putting more on my co-workers who were already maxed out on their stress limits as well.

We are a very tight knit group and the whole lot of us are just a bunch of frayed nerves with everything that has been going on at work and personally these last few months.  Anyway, I was in a car accident in the summer.  Not a bad one but, it was stupid error that lead to it.  I went to see my doctor about that and he said that my problem could be depression resulting from stress, which can cause you to make these foolish mistakes. I was appropriately shocked at this declaration.  He proceeded to give me a dvd on how to deal with it.  Well, I was 5 minutes into it when I realized that my problem isn't that I don't look at the world in a positive way.  That was what the dvd wanted me to address.

Well, it was another month before I could go see him again.  I told him this time that my moods seem to get worse depending on where I am in my "cycle".  So, he thought, maybe it's hormonal and put me on Birth Control pills.  I haven't taken them for years!!  I take as few chemicals as I possibly can.  I just don't like putting them into my body. I get enough from the food that I'm forced to eat while I'm at work....but that's another rant......

Anyway, I also don't take the BCPills because they make me ill.  The last time I tried them I ended up with a bleeding ulcer.  I don't need them for the traditional reasons so, I never bothered with them.  There are always other methods that can be used if needed.  However, I decided to give them a try to see if they would help.  Well, all they did was turn me from a moody bitch into an emotional moody bitch.    Neither of which I like to be.  I decided to stick it out though until I could get back to my doctor and never thought that there were other side effects.  Now that I've taken myself off of them I realize that they took away my "creative juices" too.  I never would have thought that to be a side effect but, the timing is right. The creativity stopped flowing shortly after I started taking them and has started again now that I've stopped.  Since I've gone off of them I'm back to making things and the drive to continue creating is even stronger.  As is my desire to get the heck out of this God Forsaken wasteland that I work in.  The need to do it quicker and the many different ways keep flowing too.

Also, I feel better.  Less moods, more calm.

One of the things I`ve been looking into is to become a Life/Career Coach.  I figure I've been through enough to be sympathetic to most people and have enough empathy for the rest.  I've always been passionate about empowering people too.  I think that above anything is what I enjoy most.

So, to all of you who have had lull's in your creativity, maybe take a look at your medication.  Odd that it might have that type of  influence but, I believe it completely.  It makes sense to me because in Reiki your Sacral Chakra is connected to anything sexual or creative.  So, if you turn off part of that chakra you are likely going to turn off more than you expected.  It really don't recommend it.  However, I`m not a doctor by any stretch.

Have a great weekend everyone.

I hope to get a chance to see some more bead soup soon.  I am embarrassed to say that I've seen very few of them but, those I have seen are incredible!!

~<3 GillyBean.
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